Emotional Maturity Takes Time and LOTS of Patience

Emotional Maturity takes practice.

In the past two years, I've come to a beautiful realization about my life, which gives me incredible peace of mind. The joy in life comes from deep self love and self trust, from there, all else is a gift. When I was chasing the material outcomes of my career I lost sight of who I am as a person, and as a higher spiritual being.

My life felt cursed; it always seemed like I was walking in some shadow of darkness; I was always behind on something, reacting to something or missing out. There was always this mental chase to catch up to the "standard' of how things should be. But I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, I always had some sort of drama in my life. The drama didn't go unnoticed. It was loud, people talked, and I hated it. I didn't know then that my energy is naturally designed for managing crisis cycles. I have lived my life in a trial and error state.

In the past decade and a half, I have experienced these cycles when dealing with psychological trauma, past life experiences, bullying, rejection, heartbreak, neglect, ridicule, sexual abuse, you name it. By my mid-twenties, I already had a well-established shattered sense of security. I lost trust in the goodness of life, I had decided that I was not meant to live a remarkable life even though I genuinely felt I was, I punished myself for being stuck in a fantasy, and I allowed my emotions to dictate my world, I had no sense of control.

When I was 23, my life was very dramatic. I had recently broken up with a boyfriend who took it really hard and sent people after me; he showed up at my work and made scenes, he threatened me, the police were involved, and my fear set in, my mom had just had a stroke, and I was fired from my job for telling the owner's wife that her husband assaulted me.

When I became a mom at 26, I surprisingly rose to the occasion. I admit I was terrified; I never imagined that I would be a mom. I didn't want my child to have the same impending doom that I had.

I've never shared this with anyone, but the timing now seems right. I had a very complicated delivery with my son. I was diagnosed with non-progressive labour, and he was delivered via c-section. Shortly after he was born, I felt my body shutting down; as I am writing this now and remembering the sensations of my body, I felt like I had to release my body and die. I don't know if that hallucination was due to the morphine or all the other drugs in my body, but I can recall I felt that I was fading into the background.

In my dream-like state, I remember saying that I couldn't do it; I wasn't strong enough. Then I opened my eyes and saw a nurse rocking my son and feeding him a bottle. I had never seen this nurse before and never saw her afterward. I just remember that she held him with so much love and happiness that it immediately gave me that same response in my body. I felt lit up from the inside. I remember feeling so proud and in awe that I had this beautiful baby boy to love and hold.

At that moment, I experienced an intense reckoning about life and the law of polarity. If everything in my life had been wrong up to that point, my son's birth was the demarcation of all the good to come. He would always be my reminder to move towards peace and self-reliance.

In motherhood, I have learned to come to terms with the past and move away from chronic anxiety and scarcity. My son pointed out in 2020 how miserable and burnt out I was, something I had heard so many times before; when he said it, I listened.

This time around, I took a different approach. Although I felt I was on the right track, age and experience taught me that it was time to start the cycle anew. It was time to re-evaluate the goals that I had set for myself. The plans I set for myself at 30 no longer made sense at 34. I used to feel powerless when these natural cycles of change would emerge. I let my emotions rule my comfort level, and I resented the natural energy running through me, and as I embodied resentment, others reflected it back to me.

As I started to embrace my natural ebbs and flows, I began to feel excited about life and the journey I was on. I saw my path for the first time from a higher, zoomed lens, and I could see my greater purpose taking shape. It was there all along; I was not ready to see it. My emotional Maturity needed to catch up, and it has.

I now teach this journey to others and hold space for their ebbs and flows just as others have held for me. My 1-1 mentorship packages are a dedicated space for this healing to take place.

Try a mini mentorship session today; these are1-hour sessions dedicated to ignite the fire within and get quickly on track.

https://calendly.com/energetic-insights-co/1hr-mini-mentorship-sessions

Until Next Time

Eilyn

xo